I haven’t written in the past week or 2 because i have been quite ill and i had a lot of stuff to do that i have been busy with and i could write a whole post on how much of a struggle the past week has been but i wanted to write about something that recently hit me hard. I have friends; few but still. I have my best friend! But i feel like we are slowly drifting, she doesn’t tell me much anymore and we have the driest chats its almost painful. I know in maybe a 2 or 3 years i will loose that connection with her, yeah we will still talk and inform each other on the latest goss, but its not like before and i know i cant rely or be with her forever i will have to face that sooner or later but not at the moment. My family. My dad is in another country, he was the only one i could rely on. He treated me like a 8 years old but i don’t care he looked after me and cared for me and took me to school and made breakfast, the list goes on, but now he’s away from me. My brother. We used to be so close, you wouldn’t even believe it compare to how he treats me now. Less than 2 years younger than me and he is out of control. My mum. That’s a whole different post but all i can say is that in her eyes I’ve grown my wings and as soon as I’m old enough, i can fly out of the nest. Meaning she doesn’t worry about me no more or think I’m irresponsible she thinks i am independent and she is ‘proud’ of me because I’m not like my brother and i am not another load. That’s about it. The main people a person relies on during there life. I feel as if there is no one to depend on anymore. It gives me a sort of hollow feeling. I don’t like it. I have to face facts though, i may still be a kid in other peoples eyes but in my eyes i stand alone and that’s how it is from now on. That’s what hit me hard in the past week. I stand alone. I should be an Emo or something but i am SUCH a social and friendly and dependent person, i don’t have any idea how i am gonna manage. Maybe these self note steps might help:
Trust no-one. Every time you trust, you get hurt. They either leave you or break you. Don’t trust anyone with secrets or friendship or even your emotions, tell Melody instead.
Be a loner. Isolate yourself from the crowd. The occasional smile or hello can stay. Trusting no one means flying solo. Just be on your own. That way your not disappointed by rejection.
Don’t care. So what if they think your a looser? So what if they don’t like you? You don’t care. It doesn’t matter if they don’t talk to you or they laugh at you. Don’t talk back just ignore them and don’t care. But this part is important, don’t pretend to not care that will damage you. Just try NOT to care. If there spiteful glass them because you don’t care.
Focus on yourself. Only care about yourself. Your grades. Yourself.
Only talk with friends. I know i said be a loner before but if you are alone at break or lunch it means people might notice which will bring more attention to you like teachers thinking i am a bullied child or something and kids thinking i am a weirdo with no friends. So just talk with friends. i will add small talk with people as well.
Stay in your own thoughts. Its better that way. Keep talking to yourself in your mind.
Stay happy in front those who react big. If you have that teacher who always asks how you are just act so happy and fake. You have a smile and you have used it for years; fake or real so just smile and act happy. Your a brilliant actor, i am sure you can pull it off as that happy girl.
Always remember: You Stand Alone.
Thats all my steps i will continue to look back at these and use them. I know one day i will stop this and when i am 30 years old or something i will look at this and laugh but for now, i will stick by these; My Life Steps.
Just if i forget, Melody is my imaginary friend and Glass is killing or torturing someone in my mind.
Be – Common (The song i listened to while typing this up, even though its the complete opposite of what i feel. Which is not like myself at all and its such a happy and meaningful song compared to my mood which is dark and upset)
Heeeeey:)) Remember that time when you used to get up extra early just to watch your favourite cartoon e.g milkshake on channel 5 or Cbeebies? Or that time when you used to jump from one sofa to another pretending that there was fire or making a tent out of sofa seats and sheets ? I remember that time and it goes by the name of childhood:/ My childhood was great ! I used to play with my brothers; 2 and 3 years younger than me. We played teacher or mountain hiking anything from our imagination though my youngest brother had autism we tried to fit him in our games but then we started playing outside without him:/ Now that i think of it, it must have been lonely alone with my mum and him. We met friends outside and played with them; hide and seek or ponies or cooking. It was great having that period of time to just play. We used to go to The Museum Of Childhood every month or 2 it was a BIG Museum for kids Full of activities they had arts and craft, a rocking horse, a sensory place, sand pit, costumes, puppets, doll houses basically everything a kid could ask for! It was amazing and i loved going there with my brothers they even had a small cafe. We spent like a whole day there and that’s one of the biggest things i miss about being a kid:/ Playing outside was AWESOME! There was this park at the back of my flat it was big and i used to play there in the little open woods where there was a few trees and i used to play fairies there. I also met this little girl there and her mum and i used to go to there house and go on outings like funfairs or the beach and just play ! I cant remember the girls name but i do remember her mums; Donna and that she was about 4 years or even more younger than me so when i finished year 6 i stopped playing with her and going out which was a shame cause i wish we had stayed in touch:/ That’s another thing i miss. As a kid i met loaaads of people! I was very friendly with people and every time i went to the park i would meet someone new mostly a parent and there little kid. I miss that. I loved being in primary school well kind of i mean i had friends but i wasn’t the most popular person:/ Though i didn’t care i still had friends and i miss swinging on the monkey bars and climbing the spider web. And that time i went residential and stayed at this place for a week with my class mates that was awesome! I wish i had token pictures of everything i did. Every year my mum would take us to the funfair and fireworks in the evening, i miss that. Though when the funfair does come i do try to convince her to take us:’) This post is turning into things i miss but there all memories that i miss, childhood memories. I know I’m only 14 and people might say i am still a kid but i am more of a teenager and i cant do those things i used to do. I have to look forward and prepare for my future no matter how much i wanna go backwards and go back to the time where my mum did everything for me or when i could play imaginative games without feeling embarrassed and childish because i WAS a child but I’m not anymore:/ I have to accept that and move forward and prepare for life but who knows one day i might be the parent looking after MY kid and giving them the best childhood they could ask for ! I wish i had appreciated my childhood more and just lived in the moment cause now its all gone and there’s no going back. But soon enough i will become an adult and have kids of my own and i might even want to work with them being a child psychiatrist or nursery teacher. Whatever happens i will never forget the good times of being a kid. I am looking forward to being a grown up so i can have kids of my own and they can experience the good times of having a childhood:’) but for now i will just keep dreaming big and carrying on with life because who knows what might happen:)
Heeeey:)) So i am trying to write a posts on this blog regularly and i have decided I’m going to write a blog every Saturday and also thanks for everyone who have so far followed me as the title says appreciate the little things:) And i think this is quite important because before you know it, it will be gone! One example is friends. In my experience they were not easy to find i started off with joining a new school, leaving all my friends. the people i stayed with and my best friend behind which i did not enjoy. As soon as i entered the school i tried to be friendly with everyone and i managed to achieve that but the hard thing was finding a group to stick with i mean everyone had already made there little cliques and groups in year7 and i had just joined in year9 ! I started hanging out with one group but soon after i decided they were not people i would wanna hang out with, this went to many of the different groups i stayed with i either felt left out or just crashed and burned with a argument or something and it was really hard for me because this was happening for the whole of year9 So for some time i just started hanging out alone or with someone who was a bit like me and had no one to hang out with but soon after she found friends though it didn’t end there. I am a very social person and i hated being alone it made me miss all my old friends and even made me cry a bit. So then i started year10 and i just forgot about it and i kind of stopped looking then i began being friends with this one girl and her friends she felt for me and wanted me to stay with her so i wasn’t lonely from this day i still appreciate her and don’t know what i would have done without her. Anyway so at first i felt like the 5th wheel in this case and even though they were so nice i still found as if i was left out it did get better though the more i stayed with them the more i got close with them and it felt as if they were not just feeling sorry for me but they liked me for who i am and were my real friends from there i got closer and related with 2 of the friends and they had another friend which they were close with (you get the idea) and in the end we all became a group and now i can hang out with them without feeling awkward because I’m part of it we became close friends while joining a club and that’s another thing that i appreciate. So that’s my experience on friends! Hehe:) So the next thing i appreciate is my family<3 Yes i have my ups and downs but in the end there always there. Another thing i appreciate is my best friend; I don’t know where i would be without her to be honest shes been there through everything; Good and Bad times and shes practically my sister! Money; That’s something everyone wants, needs, haves or doesn’t have ! But when you do have it the best thing to do is appreciate it because someone on the other side of the globe probably doesn’t i have picked this because atm I’m going through a tricky time to do with this but I’m not complaining because i appreciate what i do have. School is also another thing i appreciate not only cause of my friends but because i can learn and gain education when unfortunately not everyone can. I also appreciate the fact that it snowed;) hehe I am thankful for all the little things and the big and i hope you can be to! That’s about it really; the little things in life that i appreciate:) ❤ x
Okay so first of all let me wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR<3 and i do hope you have a good one:) Because 2012 hasn’t exactly been Roses and Daffodils for me but i guess you get what you get ! Its gods way of testing us through hard times because that’s what life is; a test ? Speaking of god i haven’t really been religious last year so that’s one of my new year resolutions for 2013 to just always remember god even if its just to be thankful for the little things. Another thing is the little things DO count whether its just smiling at someone or helping your mum with something. That’s something i want to do just one good thing for each day that’s another one of my resolutions. Mainly why 2012 has not been a good year is because nothing really exciting has happened and that is because most of the time im always on my laptop at home doing pointless stuff when i could be outside having fun! So in 2013 im going to try and do more stuff that is gonna be worth vlogging about! I’m also gonna try vlogging everyday i am not going to post them or edit them unless i find it absolutely important that i have to. I want to start vlogging because last year i tried to write a diary but as some of you may know its not easy, so maybe vlogging everyday will replace writing a diary. I want to also stay really organized this year as well because i was organized last year but only from September so this year i want to be organized through out. The more organized i am the more i get higher grades and that’s another thing i need to focus on; my education. I am doing my GCSE courses now so i need to prepare and start working my butt off! Hopefully i can do that this year:) So that’s about it with my new year resolutions! I’m not really into the fitness thing or the loose weight thing like most people this year because from what i know i am average and i’m not really worried about my weight though i am trying to eat more healthy so that i am just a normal healthy human or in my case alien;) So is this year going to be a new start? Or even a new me? Well the answer is No. I am still going to be me and its not really a new start its just a new year with a few improvements:) and that’s about it so I hope all of you have a good new years day and a great 2013 xx
Hey, I’m Maya! I’m 14:) and just a Crazy girl going through love, hope, hate and fear! My Life is a journey to me, my destination? I guess i am not exactly sure yet though i have a slight idea and i hope you can come with me through this journey as i post my thoughts, feelings and most importantly my memories! From reviews on movies to basic life opinions i intend to share it with you as not just a normal day, an experience. I hope i am able to entertain and inspire you with my life though it wont be the easiest task seeing as my life isn’t exactly parties everyday! Though as a teen i am deffo not perfect but seriously who is? I also plan to share advice on what to do when your in a certain event since i would have experienced it that day, week or month. i hope you can continue following my blog and joining me on my journey. Lots of Love and thanks for taking the time to read and if so fill a girl with the joy knowing she has someone to share her journey with… you! xx
P.s: Im completely bonkers;)
I tried being normal once…. But then I got bored and decided to go back to being me:) because i like being weird♥